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The Best Sexual Positions: The Top 5 Mistakes Most Guys Make

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One of the many challenges men have is to decide on what positions to use when getting booty. The biggest fears are that the woman will get bored with the "same old, same old" and as a result lose interest in sex. So the question becomes, what are the best sexual positions?

The best way to explain this is to talk about what NOT to do. With that in mind, I'll now talk about the top five mistakes guys make when it comes to sexual positions, so that way you will not continue making them.

Position Mistake 1: Imitating anything seen in a porn movie. This is probably the biggest reason that guys fail with sexual positions. Inexperienced guys think porn is a good model because they see studs banging beautiful broads, and … well, they just do not know any better. The problem is that sexual positions in those sections of movies are meant to display a good scene for viewers, not to maximize pleasure for the actors.

And in fact, one of the WORST positions for clitoral and vaginal stimulation is when the woman puts her ankles on your shoulders. With her pelvis bent back that far, she can feel pain in her cervix if you push in too far. Plus it's a position that puts pressure. (If you ever have a chance to go behind the scenes and watch the making of an adult movie, you'll see how quickly the mood gets killed when the actress keeps having to stop the scene to go to the bathroom!)

Position Mistake 2: Trying too hard to keep your weight off the woman, in any position. To a woman, sex is a way to get closer to her man. She loves it when he leans on the underside of her thighs. So here's a tip for you to try … Next time you're having sex with your woman (while you're engaged in actual intercourse, that is), get more of your weight on her. You see, during sex, almost every woman enjoys feeling her man's body hard against her.

So how much weight should you put on her? Make it enough so that after you come, and the sexual frenzy dissipates, your woman will tell you that she feels like she's being smooshed. Of course, do this within limits! If you're on top off her grinding her pubic bone for too long, it can feel painful for her.

But the bottom line is that many, many women like to be pressured by at least some of the man's weight. So save the gentlemanly sex for the royal family's women!

Position Mistake 3: Letting the woman do all the work when she's on top. For virtually every woman, sex is mostly a passive activity. So by being the motionless beta male, you destroy the whole purpose of sex for her, which is to open herself up to you penetrating into her body.

Position Mistake 4: Being a wimp. A lot of guys have read too many "Men are From Mars" -type books and think women like it if you ask permission for everything and let them take the lead. Be the alpha male instead and just "do it." Flip her over, move her here and there. Be aggressive and even toss her about like a rag doll when you want to change positions, and … she'll LOVE it! And do not worry about it. If something is going on that the woman does not like, she'll let you know.

Position Mistake 5: Thinking the trickier positions are better. You do not need to be upside down, hanging from a lamp, and doing something crazy. Just be normal. An old standby like the missionary (man on top, woman lying on her back) can be the best sexual position.

Tricky positions are just frustrating for everyone and often kill the mood because there's too much "where should I put my arm?" … and not enough "let's just have fun exploring."

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Source by John J. Alexander

History and Clothing in Ancient Japan

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Japanese history includes alternating periods of isolation and revolutionary influences from the rest of the world. As early as the Jomon period from about 14000BC to 300 BC, Japan had a hunter-gatherer lifestyle; wooden stilt houses, pit dwelling, and agriculture. Weaving was still unknown and the ancient Japanese clothing consisted of fur. However, some of the world’s oldest pottery is found in Japan, along with daggers, jade, combs made form shell and clay figures.

The period thereafter to 250 BC saw the influx of new practices like weaving, rice sowing, iron and bronze making influenced by china and Korea. Chinese travelers describe the men ‘with braided hair, tattooing and women with large, single-piece clothing.’ Initially ancient Japanese clothing consisted of single piece clothing. The ancient and classical Japan begins from the middle of the 3rd century to 710. An advanced agricultural and militaristic culture defines this period. By 645, Japan rapidly adopted Chinese practices and reorganized its penal code.

The peak period of ancient Japan and its imperial court is from 794 to 1185. Art, poetry, literature and trade expeditions continued with vigor. Warlords and powerful regional families ruled ancient Japan from 1185 to 1333 and the emperor was just a figure head. By the Japanese Middle Ages, Portugal had introduced firearms by a chance landing of their ship at Japanese coast; samurai charging ranks were cut down; trade with Netherlands, England and Spain had opened up new avenues. Several missionaries had entered Japan as well.

Distinct features of the lifestyle, ancient Japanese clothing and women is difficult to decipher for the simple reason that it is super-imposed by the Chinese culture. Ancient Japan readily adopted other cultures and practices and most of its own culture is lost among these adaptations.

Ancient Japanese clothing was mostly unisex, with differences being in colors, length and sleeves. A Kimono tied with an Obi or a sash around the waist was the general clothing and with the advent of western clothing are now mostly worn at home or special occasions. Women’s obi in ancient Japanese clothing would mostly be elaborate and decorative. Some would be as long as 4meters and tied as a flower or a butterfly. Though a Yukata means a ‘bath clothing’, these were often worn in the summers as morning and evening gowns. Ancient Japanese clothing consisted of mena and women wearing Haori or narrow paneled jacket for special occasions such as marriages and feasts. These are worn over a kimono and tied with strings at the breast level.

The most interesting piece of ancient Japanese clothing is the ju-ni-hitoe or the ‘twelve layers’ adorned by ladies at the imperial court. It is multi-layered and very heavy and worn on a daily basis for centuries! The only change would be the thickness of the fabric and the number of layers depending on the season. Princesses still wear these on weddings.

Since the Japanese people don’t wear footwear inside their homes, tabi is still worn. These are split -toe socks woven out of non-stretch materials with thick soles. Clogs have been worn for centuries in ancient Japan and were known as Geta. These were made of wood with two straps and were unisexual. Zori was footwear made of softer materials like straw and fabric with a flat sole.

Ancient Japanese clothes, culture and footwear are slowly regaining their popularity with the western world. There is an honest curiosity in knowing more, wearing kimonos or using silk fabrics with beautiful floral prints from the ‘land of the rising sun’.

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Source by Christopher Schwebius

Rock Climbing: 3 Valuable Tips If You Are an Amateur Rock Climber

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Are you interested in taking up rock climbing as an addictive hobby or favourite past time? Here are 3 valuable tips if you are an amateur rock climber just getting started in this fantastic sport.

Learn the Ropes

When you are ready to go rock climbing, you just don’t go out on the first day and try to climb one. Rock climbing is basically a dangerous sport. Make sure you learn the ropes before you venture out into the open and attempt to that climb.

Go online and reach out to the pros and get some prized instructions or guidelines. Furthermore, try to get the hang of climbing rocks by practicing in indoor climbing gyms or centers. It is not exactly the real deal. But you can learn a lot from there before putting your body on the line on the outside.

Find those in the Fold

Rock Climbing is a team sport. It is not a good idea to go climbing without people by your side. Besides, there’ no joy in being the lone ranger, you need people to encourage you, tell you where the best rocks are and who will generally share their experiences with you. Take a friend with you.

So whether it is a natural cliff or indoor climb gym, bind with those who share your passion. Learn a thing or two from them. You have no reason to feel funny like the new recruit, who is still wet behind the ears and asking too many questions. The best climbers, started just like you, with nothing but enthusiasm going for them. Do the same.

If you live in an area with lots of natural scenery, check out the rock climbing shops in the vicinity. The shop owners will know how to point you in the right direction.

Learn the Lingo

Rock climbing is in a world of its own. And you need to learn the language; your life could actually depend on it. If you are an amateur climber know your equipment by name and techniques, rock positions plus first aid procedures by heart.

Rock climbing has crafted a language different from the outside world. Learn it and speak it with your fellow climbers. So when you hear your climber colleague say ‘Elvis!’.

You know that he’s not reminiscing about the late King of Rock and Roll, but implying that his legs are shaking from tiredness or deep exhaustion.

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Source by Brett W Watson

Tantra in the Age of MeToo

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“No” is seemingly a simple word. But finding that word in the midst of a complicated situation can be quite difficult. The #MeToo movement gave women and victims of sexual assault permission to use their voice; to say “no” and speak up against situations that were wrong. It also gave all of us a chance to examine the ways that men and women relate and reconsider the actions we’ve deemed as “normal” or “acceptable.”

As light shines on all this darkness there is a huge opportunity to grow; to learn what is healthy, what is unhealthy, and how to find a common ground. There is an opportunity for women to step into their power, reclaim their voice and embrace their femininity. Tantric wisdom provides guidance. It teaches people how to be fully themselves and how to communicate their truth to others. Here are a few tips for applying Tantra in your life during the time of #MeToo.

Tantric Tip 1: Listen to your body

Do you know that gut feeling? Often that feeling is meant to be listened to. Each person has an inner guidance system that is leading him or her towards the right path. Women, however, have often been trained either to not listen to themselves or to be nice at the expense of their feelings. This gets many women into trouble and can lead to situations that are potentially dangerous. That is not to say it is ever her fault if she gets assaulted. However, by listening to her body, she can learn to say “no” early on before a situation escalates. As she refines this listening, she will find herself in more situations that bring her joy and happiness.

Tantric Tip 2: Communicate Clearly

This can be a hard one, especially since a lot of women have been conditioned to avoid confrontation and not speak up. But once she start’s listening to her body, she needs to learn to take action and communicate what she wants. In Tantra we call this boundary setting. For example, when a woman is asked for a favor, her initial reaction might be to say, “yes” regardless of how she actually feels. However, when she takes a moment to listen to her body and realizes she’s too tired, too stressed, or simply doesn’t want to, it’s OK for her to say “no” in this moment. This may seem obvious but too many women override themselves at the expense of another.

Learning to say “no” is an important and empowering tool. This can be done in a gracious way, of course, or a firm tone. And it is essential for women to start learning how to speak up. By setting boundaries, a woman learns to take care of herself first, which allows her to be more available to others in the long run. Speaking up for oneself may feel difficult and hard at first. But with practice saying “no” will become easier and more refined.

Tantric Tip 3: Learn how to navigate with men

Just as women have had their own cultural conditioning, so have men. Many men have been trained from a young age to go after what they want and take pride in their sexual prowess. For example, a boy may come home after his first sexual experience and brag to his father. A girl often feels the need to hide her sexual experiences and would rarely tell her parents. This naturally affects the way men and women relate.

It is easy for a man to say, “Why didn’t she just say ‘no’?” because he has been trained to speak up for himself. It may be hard for him to realize that it is not as simple for a woman.

Furthermore, if his self worth is based on how many sexual encounters he has, it is no wonder that he is seeking this out in his interactions with women. If women understand these motivations it will be easier for them to communicate in a way the man can understand. This isn’t to condone any abusive behavior. Rather, it is to help open up a dialogue with men so they can better understand how their actions are received.

Through Tantra women can learn how to use their voice, become more self-empowered, and communicate their true wishes; and men can learn to become more conscious of their sexual desires so they can manage them instead of being controlled by them.

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Source by Dr Elsbeth Meuth

18 Quick and Easy Tips for a Positive Attitude

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Life is not always fair and things do not always go your way.

It is important to keep a positive attitude to be able to move through the difficult times.

Below are a bunch of tips and tricks that you can use to keep a Positive Attitude.

1. Keep focused on today and let the past and future take care of themselves.

2. Be aware of your body posture. You can influence how you feel by how you stand and sit. Standing or sitting hunched over constricts your breath and adds to feelings of despair.

3. Keeping a positive attitude is added by reading high quality books and magazines on uplifting subjects. Not only does this help but by focusing on these subjects your mind is also taken away from worrying about your troubles. And of course it is nice to get motivated.

4. Even though we are sometimes clobbered with negativity we are the ones in control of our attitude. Keep working on an uplifting and positive focus.

5. Work at looking at the newness of things. Many times we take daily life for granted. As the expression goes – stop and smell the roses.

6. Do not forget to exercise. Besides getting into shape and making your doctor happy, exercise is a great mood elevator. In many cases much better then medication. Also exercise helps get rid of many small aches and pains. The better bodies feel the better our outlook is.

7. Sometimes it helped to look outward. See how other people are doing. Take time to devote to others. There are many advantages to this. One advantage is that it takes your mind of your own issues. ALso the more you can be of help the more people will send you good thoughts and wishes. And there is a lot to be said for positivity coming your way.

8. Always be aware that it is your attitude that makes you feel how you feel.

9. Keep positive thoughts in your mind. You can use affirmations from popular book or biblical passages. By keeping these thoughts in mind you can help yourself through those low energy periods of time.

10. If we feel oppressed by the wishes and need of others then we can see no way out. Work at being the decider of your fate.

11. Do not sweat the small stuff.

12. Have a plan. If you are able to plan you day, week and month this will give you a direction. As you see your list being completed you will have a sense of accomplishment. This feeling will go a long way in developing a positive attitude.

13. Stop living in the past. If you live in "what might have been" you will find it hard to be happy.

14. A positive attitude is a state of mind. You have to decide you controls your mind. Is it you or is it the circumstances of your environment. The more times you can replace negative thoughts with positive ones the easier it will become.

15. Smile at people. The more times you can have a smile on your face the more positive you will be. And the happier the people around you will be.

16. Take time to sing. Even if you have a bad voice. You will feel better for it.

17. Be happy when you face challenges. The more times you can overcome them the stronger you will be. And the better your attitude will be.

18. Take time to dream of all the things you want to happen. This is a great way to recharge your batteries.

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Source by Janet Erickson

Examples Of Spyware And What They Are

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Spyware is a general term used to describe software that performs certain behaviors such as advertising, collecting personal information, or changing the configuration of your computer, generally without appropriatively obtaining your consent first.

Spyware is often associated with software that displays advertisements (called adware) or software that tracks personal or sensitive information.

That does not mean all software that provides ads or tracks your online activities is bad. For example, you may sign up for a free music service, but you "pay" for the service by agreeing to receive targeted ads. If you understand the terms and agree to them, you may have decided that it is a fair tradeoff. You may also agree to let the company track your online activities to determine which ads to show you.

Other kinds of Spyware make changes to your computer that can be annoying and can cause your computer slow down or crash.

These programs can change your Web browsers home page or search page, or add additional components to your browser you do not need or want. These programs also make it very difficult for you to change your settings back to the way you originally had them.

The key in all cases is whether or not you (or someone who uses your computer) understand what the software will do and have agreed to install the software on your computer.

There are a number of ways Spyware or other unwanted software can get on your computer. A common trick is to covertly install the software during the installation of other software you want such a music or video file sharing program.

Any software that covertly gathers user information through the user's Internet connection without his or her knowledge, usually for advertising purposes. Spyware applications are typically bundled as a hidden component of freeware or shareware programs that can be downloaded from the Internet; however, it should be noted that the majority of shareware and freeware applications do not come with SpyWare. Once installed, the Spyware monitors user activity on the Internet and transmits that information in the background to someone else. Spyware can also gather information about e-mail addresses and even passwords and credit card numbers

Aside from the questions of ethics and privacy, SpyWare steals from the user by using the computer's memory resources and also by eating bandwidth as it sends information back to the spy ware's home base via the user's Internet connection. Because SpyWare is using memory and system resources, the applications running in the background can lead to system crashes or general system instability.

Because SpyWare exists as independent executable programs, they have the ability to monitor keystrokes, scan files on the hard drive, snoop other applications, such as chat programs or word processors, install other SpyWare programs, read cookies, change the default home page on the Web browser, consistently relayed this information back to the SpyWare author who will either use it for advertising / marketing purposes or sell the information to another party.

Licensing agreements that accompaniment software downloads sometimes warn the user that a SpyWare program will be installed along with the requested software, but the licensing agreements may not always be read completely because the notice of a SpyWare installation is often couched in obtuse, hard-to- read legal disclaimers.

Examples of SpyWare

These common SpyWare programs illustrate the diversity of behaviors found in these attacks. Note that as computer viruses, researchers give names to SpyWare programs which may not be used by their creators. Programs may be grouped into "families" based not on shared program code, but on common behaviors, or by "following the money" of financial or business connections. For instance, a number of the SpyWare programs distributed by Claria are collectively known as "Gator". Likewise, programs which are frequently installed together may be described as parts of the same SpyWare package, even if they function separately.

o CoolWebSearch, a group of programs, takes advantage of Internet Explorer vulnerabilities. The package directs traffic to advertisements on Web sites including coolwebsearch.com. It displays pop-up ads, rewrites search engine results, and alters the infected computer's hosts file to direct DNS lookups to these sites.

o Internet Optimizer, also known as DyFuCa, redirects Internet Explorer error pages to advertising. When users follow a broken link or enter an erroneous URL, they see a page of advertisements. However, because password-protected Web sites (HTTP Basic authentication) use the same mechanism as HTTP errors, Internet Optimizer makes it impossible for the user to access password-protected sites.

o Zango (formerly 180 Solutions) transmits detailed information to advertisers about the Web sites which users visit. It also alters HTTP requests for affiliate advertisements linked from a web site, so that the advertisements make unearned profit for the 180 Solutions Company. It opens pop-up ads that cover over the Web sites of competitiveness companies.

o HuntBar, aka WinTools or Adware, WebSearch was installed by an ActiveX drive-by download at affiliate Web sites, or by advertisements displayed by other SpyWare programs-an example of how SpyWare can install more SpyWare. These programs add toolbars to IE, track aggregate browsing behavior, redirect affiliate references, and display advertisements.

oZlob Trojan or just Zlob, Downloads itself to your computer via ActiveX codec and reports information back to Control Server. Some information can be as your search history, the Websites you visited, and even Key Strokes.

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Source by Mehmet Onatli

Make a Man Orgasm – 3 Ways to Make Your Man Ejaculate Fast

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It’s great to know how to make a man orgasm at will giving you total power over how long sex lasts for.

Here are three ways to make your man ejaculate.

1. A great way to make a guy explode is to use specific sex positions that make him ejaculate fast. There are two positions that do the trick every single time. One is you on all fours, the combination of seeing your body in this position and how it feels inside means most men only last a few seconds.

2. Another way to make a man orgasm is to dress up for him because men are very visual about sex this works a treat. Go up to bed before him and get ready then when he cones up and pulls back the covers his eyes will pop out, he will be erect instantly and ejaculate in seconds.

3. This is the very best way to make a man orgasm, in fact it can achieve this within thirty seconds. Is fellatio (oral) and this when done with this little tip will make any man climax. OK all you need to do is keep the sucks short and fast, don’t try and take him deep just suck the very tip of his penis which is the most sensitive part of it. You will be amazed at how fast you can make a man orgasm by doing this.

There are lots more ways and techniques but of them all fellatio will ring his bell (pardon the pun) louder than anything else. So if your man had trouble ejaculating or you just want to make a man orgasm faster then it’s fellatio that you need to master.

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Source by Michael Harradine

Slow Cooker Method Ideal for Freezer Burned Flank Steak

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When meat goes on sale I stock up for the weeks ahead. We have a chest freezer and food items at the bottom can be forgotten. The other day I found a flank steak, (a pricey cut of meat) and saw, to my dismay, that it had freezer burn.

What is freezer burn anyway? It happens after food has been frozen for a long time. Meat develops white spots and the texture and flavor are changed. In fact, red meat may look gray or pale brown. These discolored areas are dry and one of the best ways to cook the meat is with a method that adds moisture — braising or using a slow cooker.

Seeing dry, discolored meat may make you worry about food safety. Don’t worry. According to the USDA, freezer-urned meat is still safe to eat. One edge of the flank steak was burned, but it was such a small area that I left it alone. But the USDA recommends cutting away badly burned sections. “Heavily freezer-burned foods may have to be discarded for quality reasons,” notes the USDA.

Though I had stored the steak i a heavy plastic bag with a zipper closing, over time, it had still developed freezer burn. To add moisture, I decided to cook the steak in seasoned broth. I defrosted the steak in the microwave and cut it in half to fit in my slow cooker. (I have the smallest size.) As it cooks the steak shrinks a bit, so you need to keep this in mind when you plan your meal.

A few hours later, my husband and I were feasting on some of the tastiest steaks we have ever eaten. The slow cooker method will work with balltips, round steak, and other tougher cuts of meat. Usually flank steak is sliced across the grain. With the slow cooking method, however, you cut with the grain or shred the meat. Everyone in the family will enjoy this flavorful recipe.

Ingredients

1 flank steak (1 1/4 to 1 1/2 pounds)

2 cups no-salt beef stock

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 tomato, chopped

3-4 green onions, white and green parts, chopped

4 ounces mushrooms, sliced

1/4 cup gravy flour (approximate – you may need more)

Water

Salt and pepper to taste

Prepared mashed potatoes

Method

Place cooking bag in slow cooker. Stir ketchup into beef stock. Lay flank steak in cooker. Pour stock mixture over meat and scatter vegetables on top. Cover and cook on high setting for 3 1/2 hours on low or 5 hours on high setting. Remove meat and set on cutting board. Whisk water into flour to make a slurry, making sure there are no lumps. With cooker in high, stir slurry into liquid, and cook until sauce thickens. Season sauce with salt and pepper to taste. Put lid back on slow cooker to keep sauce hot. Shred meat and lay on top of mashed potatoes. Top each serving with a generous amount of sauce. Serve with a green vegetable or salad. Makes 4 generous servings.

Copyright 2013 by Harriet Hodgson

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Source by Harriet Hodgson

Financial Tips For Indie Band Self Management

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EVERYTHING revolves around money; merchandise, payment from gigs, recording, etc. Having the right person to handle the money, even if it is not the main "band manager", is paramount to the band's long-term success.

How much of a hassle, inconvenience and not to mention, embarrassment would it be to travel to an away gig and realize that you forgot your wallet? Now, imagine if EVERYONE in the band was without money. How would you get something to eat, or fill the van with gas, or buy a new cable that you REALLY need because the old one went bad?

I've been there before, and let me tell you … it SUCKS. We were at an away show about 200 miles from home and needed to get gas, and thanks to a member who will remain nameless, the band's account was in the red. He mentioned some excuse about forgetting to deposit money from the previous gigs or something lame like that.

Here's how you prevent something like this from happening:

  1. Get a bank account – Do not go crazy here. Just get a simple, free checking account with a major issuer debit card (MasterCard or Visa is preferred) at a major worldwide bank. Chances are, you've got a personal account with one already, so simple open a second account. Once things progress, you can always convert it to a business account later if need be. You'll probably be tempted to add a second authorized user on the account. DO NOT DO IT. No matter how trustworthy your bandmates might be, this increases the chance of becoming a victim of fraud exponentially. Better to be safe and inconvenienced every once in a while while ripped off of your band's savings.
  2. Learn where your money is going – When you get an account, immediately sign up at Mint. It's free, and works with practice ANY bank that offers online banking. Mint will allow you to see a very accurate breakdown of where your money is going. You can set alerts, and set and track budgets with it. It's a great tool for when there is a specific financial goal in mind (like buying a band vehicle or saving for that session at the huge LA studio).
  3. Everyone gets paid at every gig, but the band gets paid first – No one likes to work for free, even if you're doing something you enjoy. Personally, I believe that it's a huge morale booster to get SOMETHING in the way of cash after every show (free beer only goes so far). However, there's a better way for everyone than simply splitting the door take X number of ways. There are always a certain amount of expenses (both personal and band) that come with playing a show. Make sure you can cover the band expenses FIRST. This might be gas, flyers, hotel room (at some point, I'll touch on how to minimize this huge expense). ALWAYS make sure these costs are covered before anyone gets paid. Next, take what's left (and you may not always have anything left if you're just starting out. That's okay for now), and divide it evenly between the band members, plus 2 extra. So, if you have 4 members, divide the reminder 6 ways, and give each person their share. The 5th and 6th shares goes back into the band fund. Now, this is not going to make anyone in the band rich off the bat. However, it will put a little green in their pocket at the end of a great show, and better yet, put more back into the band's fund for future endeavors. This is something I've personally done, and it usually makes everyone happy.
  4. The only time the band should pay for gear is at recording time , and it should ONLY be disposables (strings, heads, etc.). Unless you've got a killer endorsement deal, each person should be responsible for their own instrument. If you do a crazy amount of coke and then smash your Les Paul on stage, I hope you have a couple of grand laying around to buy a new ax. An instrument should be a personal investment of the person playing it, both emotionally and financially.

Your first question when making a purchase should be "How is this going to make the band money?" – I see bands ALL THE TIME spend hundreds of dollars on drinks at a bar, throwing parties for their friends, or booking hotel rooms WAY out of their budget, and then they wonder why they can not afford $ 200 for some t-shirts when they'll make $ 2000 off of them. Use the free bar tab that you get from playing a show, let a fan host the house party, and if you MUST get a hotel, make it the Motel 6. If you can not immediately pinpoint how spending a dollar is going to earn you money several times over, I would think long and hard about spending it, and in the end, 99.999% of the time, I will not. It would not be anything to have a $ 200 bar tab for a heavy-drinking band. Instead, you can invest that money in t-shirts that you can easily make 10x your investment back. It seems like an easy choice, right? Learn to manage your money, and you'll be doing better than 99% of the bands out there already. In the music industry, money brings power.

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Source by Christopher W. Smith

How Do You Define a Successful Relationship?

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In my coaching sessions with clients, I realized that the way many people define a "successful" relationship is limited to only those that result in marriage. Well, I am here to tell you that is not necessarily the case. When you are in a relationship with someone, as you put certain things into it, you also want to get certain things out of it. You should, of course, be able to give as well as receive love and / or affection and maintain a general compatibility. However, when classifying a relationship, you should also consider its overall benefits and meaning for you. Ask yourself: at least for a time, did you have fun, laugh, enjoy yourself? Feel respected and supported? Make positive strides? Learn something about other people? About yourself?

In my opinion, if you spend a reasonable amount of time with someone who touched your life for the better in some way, even if it did not end up in marriage, then you should consider it a positive experience. I believe that people come into our lives at different times for various reasons. For example, you may meet someone right before the death of a loved one, and that person may be the one who will help you through it. You may develop a relationship with someone who has an odd set of beliefs and opinions, and that person's presence may be necessary in order for you to expand your mind and maximize your potential. You could also establish a relationship with someone who treats you better than anyone else ever has, and I believe that person was meant to raise your standards for the kind of life you make for yourself.

Conversely, if you have a relationship with someone who turns out to be unfaithful, consider that you made contact with and had affection for another human being who ended up teaching you a valuable lesson about trust, awareness, and forgiveness. In my mind, the key to determining if a relationship was successful lies in how it affected your life. And as long as you enjoyed yourself for a time and were able to avoid long periods of unhappiness or suffering, then I say you can check one off in the win column!

I believe the goal in relationships should be to spend the moments of your life wisely and to savor every emotion. If you have established a relationship with someone who, as it turns out, is not right for you, so what? You made a connection and, hopefully, a friend. You participated in the flow of your life, made the most of the experience, and continued to move forward. Because is not that what our lives really are? A journey over an unknown period of time where our experiences help us to understand and grow and change ourselves and our communities as we search for meaning and happiness and answers to our questions about God and ourselves? Those are the reasons why we have relationships, why we feel love and laughter and wonder and sadness, and why we have to let go and be happy anyway.

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Source by Audrey Valeriani